Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
