How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
