I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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