I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
