How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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