So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
