I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
