I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
