You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
