I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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