just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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