Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
