just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
