You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
