you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
