morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
