Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
