yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize