Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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