4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
