Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my phone needs a breathalizer
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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