Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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