i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
