so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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