you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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