I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
