WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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