Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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