I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
