she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
