I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize