Jerry, you need to find god
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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