The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
