It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
