im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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