HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize