So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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