my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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