I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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