He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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