if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
