he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
