he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
