I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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