I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
