I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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