Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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