can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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