there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't think brook has ever known best
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
