the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
