I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
