I got chris browned last night
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
