Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
