May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
