oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
