dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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