You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
