that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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