i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need a beard to bite.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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