There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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