then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
