Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
