Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's shark week go big or go home
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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