Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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