So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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