I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
