remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
