If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
