Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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