I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This baby is an asshole
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize