no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
