Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
