I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
