some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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