I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize