found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
